This is my 60th Holiday Season. I'm still learning that the holidays are not about me. It's taken a long time, but I didn't realize it until 15 years ago. I spent a lot of holidays as an ingrate, always looking at what I thought I was missing. Funny how your thinking changes, once you're sober for a while.
Over the years, I've realized that I really do have much to be thankful for, and have started expressing my gratitude a lot more often. This Thanksgiving (2010), I will be spending some time with the some of the people I am grateful for the most. Not all, unfortunately, as my son's family will not be here, and I will miss them once again. Probably the biggest difference in my thinking is that, while I will miss them, their absense will not prevent me from enjoying the time with the rest of my family.
I am truly grateful for each member of my family, my children, my parents, my grandkids, and the conglomeration of "orphans" we have "adopted" along the way. That also goes out to my buddy, my "brother from another mother," and his folks. I could go on (and on, and on,) about people I am grateful to have crossed pathes with, so let me just say that if you've met me, I am thankful for the experience. I would like to convey my thanks, however, to some really special individuals, oddly enough, my wife, children, and grandkids.
To start, I am eternally grateful for my wife, my lover, and my friend, Mary. I'm sitting here, trying to think of where to begin, but words are failing me totally. How do you say thanks to someone who has been at my side, through all of the wonderful, and horrible, things that have happened in our time together? Mary promised to love me, and I know there were times she didn't like me, but her love has never been in question, not ever. For many years, now, I've told anyone who would listen that I married the nicest person I've ever met. I mean that with all my heart. But nobody wants to hear that.
At one command, I told horrible stories about her; intentionally leading people to think she was some kind of domineering ogress. When they met her, and found out what a wonderful person she is, we had some great conversations. Mary knew what I was up to, more than once she heard me say something like, "I would, but the old lady would wad me up in a ball, and kick me around the room." Or, "No, if I'm not home on time, she has the Shore Patrol out looking for me." After meeting her, many of my co-workers told me, "She's nothing like you said," or, "If that's how you actually see her, you're missing a lot." It was a great joke, and took a long time to set up. It was worth it, though.
Mary is the most honest person I know. She's the type that will take back any overage in change, and can't see how people could walk off with it. She's also the type who will answer any question honestly, so if you ask her a question, you have to take responsibility for the answer. Not that she's ever rude, or blunt; she's an expert at what I call "woman-code," or the way women convey non-verbal messages, and will show more than she actually says. It's all in behavior, and she's earned the respect of PhD's in Behavioral Science, because of her ability to deal with behavioral outbursts in developmentally disabled persons. I've learned some "woman-code" over the years, enough to detect levels of sarcasm that are too subtle for most men.
She is almost my total opposite. I'm right-handed, she's a south paw. I enjoy the heat of Summer, she enjoys the Wintery chill. I really like animated stuff; she could care less. One would think, with so many differences, we'd have divorced years ago. We almost did, once, it was all my fault. I had forgotten one of the most important things in our relationship, our ability to talk to each other in complete trust, and total honesty. We resolved it by using that ability. Instead of dividing us, our differences complete us.
Tyffany Christine (Martin) Wanberg, we've come a long way together. There is no way to measure the depths of my appreciation for you. You went through the dark times, and I am forever sorry for dragging you through all of that. It was a major learning time for all of us, but you have made the most of your experience. I see it in the way you are with Victor, and when you are conducting your foster parenting classes, there's genuine love and concern that is obvious to me, but still apparent to the Bug and your students. Thank you for being my first. You were a great kid, and I mean it.
Cory Steven Martin, I'm grateful that I didn't follow through on the numerous times I wanted to kill you, as you were growing up. I guess it's a "Father/Son" thing, as I know my dad often contemplated my demise. I could probably explain it (on cultural and philosophic terms), but it's more fun watching you go through the experience on your own. And guess what? It won't be too long before Gino asks to use your car. Oh, Dad Moment, I hope I'm there... I'm so proud of you, and, believe it or not, always backed you up. Even when... ah, whatever.
Jacklyn Denise Martin, I am grateful you have found a "place" in life. As a Dad, I worry about things, like my kids having gainful employment. I am grateful that you have such a generous employer, who knows a smart employee when he sees one. I'm grateful for Georgia, for putting up with you, and not strangling you in your sleep. I'm grateful that you have been blessed with an eye for "the arts," and particularly photography. I'm also grateful to know you'll have a say in which "home" I end up in, maybe it'll even have cable.
Peter Wanberg, and Angelica (Raza) Martin, I appreciate you, most of all. We're a strange and wonderful bunch, some of us are just strange, but most are pretty wonderful. To think of all of the families, out there, that you could have chosen to be a part of, you chose mine. Are you sure? Nobody threatened you or anything? Well, I'm darn proud to have you. You can see what I love about my kids, and your love for them is all I can ask. It ain't easy being part of this family, sometimes you really have to want it. It is not, I might add proudly, without its rewards.
Victor, my Bug. You have brought a good deal of joy to me. I've never been one to differentiate between things because of some prefix or another. Very soon, you will officially be my Adopted-Grandson, and the prefix will never be spoken by these lips. You will become my Grandson, the eldest of the new generation. My love for you is not dependent upon a piece of paper. It's reflected in your bright blue eyes.
Isa, my beautiful granddaughter, I am very grateful for you. I got the first news of you while I was burying my dad, and my sorrows were eased. Although you don't know me very well, I love you very much.
To everyone else, thank you for letting me ramble on.
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