I have had a pulled muscle in my back since June, when I played "Good Samaritan," and got hurt for my efforts. I don't blame the old guy; it was my choice to stop and get involved. I actually kind of laughed about it, kind of; I recognized the humor, even my original doctor chuckled when I told him how I hurt myself. After a while, it pissed me off, a little, that every one's first response to my pain was to laugh. Laughter may be the best medicine, but it was pure voodoo at that point. I really did hurt myself, doggone it, and I'm in a lot of pain.
I got sent to a physical therapy clinic not far away, and would get heat, muscle stimulation, and a massage, then exercises. It was working OK, I was feeling better, but on my last visit, the masseuse hurt me, possibly tearing some additional muscles in my back. I don't want to sue her; I don't want her fired; I just want to get my back fixed, so it won't hurt in that spot, too. I got my last ESI on July 30th, so pain-wise I was doing as well as I can, and somewhere around the latter part of August, I did something to re-aggrivate that injury. I've been in some pretty incredible pain since we got back from Yosemite the week after Labor Day.
I don't blame camping. It may not have been the best thing I could have done, but it certainly didn't hurt me. I actually noticed the pain had returned on Labor Day weekend, so it definitely wasn't the camping. Too many good things came out of that trip to wish we hadn't done it. Since that time, however, it has gotten worse and worse, to the point where I am losing my appitite, and sleep only in short bits because of this stupid torn muscle.
I have decent pain meds, and never take anything close to the maximum daily dosage, so I have room to up the meds a little. Whirlpool baths help for a little while, as do heating pads, Icy/Hot, SalonPas, lidoderm patches, and the usual topical stuff, but it's at night that things get really bad.
Sleeping in my bed is impossible. It turns out that it is actually an ancient torture device covered with memory foam. For all I know, that may actually be the case, as I haven't been able to get comfortable in it for weeks. On the few occassions I do fall asleep, I usually turn over wrong, or sleep in an awkward position, and I'm almost crippled from it by morning. Fortunately, we have a very comfortable reclining couch, and I can create the support points to at least get some sleep. Tonight I'm going to try a "Zero-Gravity Recliner" that we bought last year. It has a small pillow on it that is a perfect lumbar support, so I'm going to try that tonight.
Meanwhile, I do what I can to try to get through it. My dad, who wasn't a religious person, once told me that he would become a thithe-paying Mormon if I could answer one question for him. "If life is so wonderful, why does it have to hurt so much at the end?" At age 61, I think I'm able to answer that question, it's just my dad passed three and a half years ago, so I can't share it with him right now. I will, though, someday.
Mankind was given one perfect person. His name, on Earth, was Jesus of Nazareth; He is the Son of God. He came to us to teach us, by example, how to live our lives in such a way that we may return to His presence someday. Time and time again, we are given examples of how He lived His life, and we are told to do what He would do. At the end of his Eartly life, Jesus experienced enormous pain in Gethsemane, to the point where he bled through every pore. Mere men could not survive that experience, so we are given, as promised, sufficient to our needs, but not enough to kill us. Plus, we get to have it longer; we do not know how long He suffered for us, but it certainly didn't encompass his "Golden Years". Maybe we can't survive bleeding from every pore; we can certainly carry our pain for a long time. Suffering over the decades what he experienced for us in an instant. I'll take the long-term payments, thank you very much.
That would have been my answer. Maybe if I'd found it sooner, his last words wouldn't have been, "Oh Shhhh..."
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