I admit to being a spiritually-oriented kind of guy. I believe in a God, Who Lives, and who will guide me, if I am living my life in a worthy manner. I feel His Spirit, mostly in small ways, which can often be misinterpreted. A quick example:
I was sitting at a red light, at the intersection of Elmira and Leisure Town Roads, planning to take a left-turn onto Leisure Town when the light changed. When it did change, I was just about to accelerate, and a loud "DON'T MOVE!" sounded in my head. I'm telling you, I HEARD these words. Sure enough, a woman in a big, green SUV, traveling about 50 in a 40 zone, talking on a cell phone, blows right through the light, almost taking out a car turning right onto Leisure Town Road. Had I moved, I'd have been road-kill.
There have been many more occasions, sometimes little more than deep impressions, but I know that the Spirit has been a companion, when I get humble enough, upon whom I can rely. I know that, through earnest prayer, I was once given a glimpse into a future that frightened me badly.
It was 1981, I was on the pre-commissioning crew of USS McKEE (AS-41), Tyffany was 5, Cory 6 mos. Eighteen months earlier, we had lost Amy, Mary and I were no longer communicating, and we were legally-separated. She was in Vacaville, I was in Seattle, WA. I could only contact her through my mother-in-law, who, at the time, hated my guts. I was turning 30, the age, according to my generation, at which one was no longer trustworthy. I had never figured to live that long. I thought, for sure, I'd piss-off the wrong person, and be killed by that time.
I was in a "bad way". En route to divorce, I arrived in Seattle, and was immediately handed a check for $5,000, and told to find a hotel. I chose the Cosmopolitan, on 5th, right under the monorail tracks. I got a deal for $350 per week, and paid for six weeks, in advance. I was trying to wrap my mind around the idea of being divorced. I drank a lot, among other things.
On weekends, I'd walk a lot. I walked to the Kingdome, and all the way out to the shipyards in West Seattle. I walked all over downtown Seattle, saw the Pike's Place Market, the old World's Fair grounds, even out to Lake Washington. Walking gave me a chance to think. Once, while walking quite late, I happened on the grounds of the Seattle LDS Temple. It was closed, and I trespassed, but I had finally gotten humble enough to ask God "Where am I going? What will my life be like?" I was answered with darkness, although I failed to realize it at the time.
I thought, "Great, big waste of time... Nothing."
On the walk back to my hotel, I passed a house in which a party was still going at three a.m., the stereo blaring the Stone's You Can't Always Get What You Want. I remember thinking, "Yeah, even when you ask." As I passed by, the lyric, "But if you try sometime/you just might find/you get what you need," made a connection happen, and I was jolted to a stop, staring at the light-up house. I had gotten the answer I needed. I had asked what my life would be like without Mary and the kids. Nothing. DING! Hello? I got it. Now, what could I do?
Music has always been an important thing in my life. At times, certain songs seem to fit perfectly with our experiences, their lyrics becoming the poetry of our lives. At that time, Styx had released Kilroy Was Here, and the song "Don't Let It End" wouldn't get out of my head.
I called Mary's mom, received a gruff acknowledgement, and asked her to have Mary call me at a certain number, after I got off watch. Her mom grumbled something about Mary not wanting to talk to me, and how she couldn't blame her, blah, blah, blah...
"OK, since it's the only way I'm sure she will get the message, you tell her to call, or she won't get a dime from me until she does." The ploy was ruthless, but infinitely effective.
At the appointed time, the phone rang, and Mary started in on my threat to cut off her money, and I stopped her. I appologized for the threat, but I needed to talk to her, and it seemed to be the only way. "So, what do you want?" she asked.
"I want to say I'm sorry. About everything. I can't go on like this."
We reconciled in October.
It's true, you can't always get what you want. You can, however, learn to appreciate what you have.
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